I see how much I meant

How is that you couldn't even wait a week to get with someone else? Not even a full week... and the day before what would have been our 11 month anniversary.
"Did you even care about how I would feel?"
"Honestly it didn't even cross my mind."

You've been together, what two days, and already "I love you!" "I love you more!" "No uh!" Just last week you were telling me how much you loved me... It makes me sick, literally, just thinking about any of it makes me sick to my stomach, every time I eat I either come close, or I throw up. Thanks so much.

I see how much I really meant to you, in the 11 months that we were together and all the lies you told me, I still can't delete the messages from my phone. They just sit in there mocking me. And I trusted you, like I've never trusted anyone. Never again my friend, never again.

Now I have to wonder, every time we were together, were you thinking of her? How much of it was a lie. How long were we just fooling ourselves? Why can't I hate you?All I can do is cry and feel the pain eat and tear away at my insides but I still can't hate you. I just want for you to be happy. I hope you're happy because I'm freaking miserable. I can't even listen to most of the songs on my ipod without thinking of you, of course I couldn't before because a lot of songs reminded me of you, but now it just makes me sad.

Everything hurts so much, I can't accurately put into words. I can barely breathe. Do you see what you're doing to me, I have no motivation anymore to do anything. Not even debate, my favorite thing in the world. You're destroying me, and I'm slowly falling apart. Soon there will be nothing left of me but pieces of my heart covered in my tears. I hope you're happy.

I'm just so sad...
And I still love you.

Broken

The lies and deceit,

That led to heartbreak.

The words and smiles,

They were all fake.

False pretenses,

That caused my tears.

Then it was realized,

True was my fears.

My heart ripped to shreds,

Crumbled to ashes.

Torn from my chest,

My life stumbles and crashes.

The promises you gave,

Everything I believed.

The thoughts I had,

And the future I conceived.

All of it’s over,

And I’m left holding to the past.

Just want to say,

I miss you and you left too fast.

My heart is empty,

And my soul is broken.

Fall to Pieces

No, not the Avril Lavigne song... although it does fit my mood.

Everything is falling to pieces, most everything in my life is just falling apart and I'm just making it worse. Before I was terrified of college, and I still am, but at least now I can go somewhere where no one knows me and no one knows how much my life sucks. The sad part is I know there is still some good in my life but I just can't focus on it.
I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart and my soul, I constantly feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to eat (I do though), and I can't sleep and its all because of him. I just don't understand how everything has changed so suddenly. On the plus side this is the first day I haven't cried since Tuesday. That's not to say that I haven't come close.

How can I just pretend that we never had anything, that we didn't spend almost an entire year the way we did. And here are the tears. How can I pretend that every time I see you, I don't want to fall to pieces and that everything is ok between us? That you didn't move two days from breaking up? How can I pretend that I'm not falling apart inside and that nothing is ok with me? All I want to do is lay in bed and never come out. Most of all I just feel so, so, so sad and I don't know how to make it go away.

When I told you that one day you would miss me, and no girl will ever live up to what we had, all you could say is "Same to you" you don't even deny it, and yet you feel nothing for me anymore? You love me as just a friend? When did things change?

You've already moved on, and all you want from me is to do the same. I can't do it that fast, not like you apparently can. But of course, I'll try. I'll do anything, just to see you smile. And if me moving on would make you smile than I'll do it. I just want you to be happy, no matter how sad it makes me. So I'll go on meaningless dates (like last night) in an effort to move you out of my heart. I've already started participating in self destructive behavior (the kind I will not admit to anyone, not even strangers on the Internet), look what you've turned me into.

"Just to see you smile, I'd do anything that you wanted me to do. When all is said and done its worth all that's lost, I'll never count the cost. Just to see you smile."

I've turned into someone so pathetic and sad, and that just makes me feel more sad. I just miss you so much.
You broke my heart, but I still love you with all the pieces. </3
Forever and for always, your love.

I seem to have fallen behind

It's been awhile since I have updated my blog. I kind of figured that would happen but I'm going to try and stay into it now. So here is announcement about my new found commitment to my blog. Lets see how long this lasts.