McDonalds- I'm not loving it.

So, just last week I turned in my two weeks notice to my awful horrific job- McDonalds. I hated it, I hated some of the managers I worked with and disliked others. I wasn't thrilled with some of the people I was forced to work with nor was I entirely thrilled about the people I was forced to deal with.
I applied to a couple new places and got an interview at Red Lobster as a hostess. And I couldn't deal with it anymore and so I quit. I haven't been happier.
To be honest, I believe that I was slightly suffering from depression because of that monstrosity people call a restaraunt.
As my cousin would say "Cool beans!"
Hasta luego.

Seniors Say Cheese....

"Smile pretty now." And the flash goes off. Today was school picture day and the lady behind the camera kept telling me to smile pretty. So, naturally my smile came off as cheasy and fake. Then I had the feeling I was going to heave all my insides out when I saw myself in the cap and gown. It made Senior Year a little  more real. I feel sick now, just talking about it. In just 6 months I will be graduating. Its getting closer and closer and there is nothing I can do to slow it down. Bleh. But I digress... back to picture day. I think its ridiculous; "Smile pretty" camera people are annoying. Not to mention they're either really perky and nice or really rude and stern.
I  hate picture day, I hate fake/posed pictures. The best pictures I've ever seen were candid shots and an ultrasound of my soon to be little brother or sister.
Did you know the expression "Say cheese" was chosen because when you actually say "cheese" your mouth looks like you're smiling.
Well, I've typed enough about nothing once again. By the way, happy early indegenous slaughter day (or thanksgiving for most).

Senior Year

No one told me becoming a senior in high school would make me feel like a senior citizen. *sigh* Second day of Senior year and I still cringe at the word (Senior not year). I'm scared to death of graduating, I'm scared to death of leaving for college because I know that I'm not going to stay here for college; especially since I plan on coming back to be near family. And I'm scared that I'm not going to end up doing what I want with my life and I'm not going to know anything about taking care of myself. I've given this rant several times to step mom, often all in one breath, and each time the scenario of my future gets worse and worse. I am terrified.
Contrary to popular belief the first week of school is awful, schedule mix-ups etc. so in my mind the first day of school isn't really until the second week when most things are back to ordinary. Thinking of the future makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I'm not even really looking forward to the perks of being a senior yet, because it just means I'm one step closer to being on my own, one day closer to graduation. I love my school, I love my debate team, the theater group, my friends, the teachers, the yearbook/newspaper staff, and I really, really do not want to leave this all behind.
I know I won't be completely alone 'cause I'll have my parents and what not but still... sometimes I feel like I'll screw up. So I completely and utterly terrified.

I am beautiful

So last week I was in Washington for my grandfathers funeral. It was odd to return to the place I had grown up but hadn't been for about five years. It of course was still beautiful but I had no desire to see any of my past "friends" mostly because I had never really been close to any of them, and I now know nothing about them except from the occasional facebook blurb. But anyway, while we were there we did go see my moms ex-boyfriend of 7 years to get some of her old stuff. Most of it was just pictures, and I just about cried looking at myself when I was younger. First of all I was freaking adorable. Secondly, I realized how much I had changed and I was kind of ashamed of some of it. I used to be such a diva (but in a good way) in the sense that I would pose if someone pointed a camera in my direction. I was confident and would look anyone in the eye, and in some ways I have lost that person but in some aspects she's still there.

I am still who I am, and there is no way I will pretend to be something I am not. That's just who I am, and I am not ashamed who I am. I participate in debate, theater, talent shows, I still have my pride and individuality, I will tell anyone when and why they are wrongand I am a very social person. In these aspects I am still that little girl. But I shy away from the camera, I refuse to look anyone in the eyes and won't always hold my head high, somewhere along the way I've lost that confidence that I used to have.
There were a lot of factors that contributed to this. Part of it is that I was forced to move in the middle of my first year of middle school, when I was finally making friends. I was sent halfway across the country with just my brother, my mom remained behind for awhile to take care of some things. I was at an awkward age thrust into a difficult situation without the one person who was supposed to be there to guide me. This part also sounds a little selfish but I was used to being the baby and living with my aunt and two younger cousins, I wasn't anymore. I missed my mom, I missed my friends, I missed my home, I missed the cold air of Washington and the beautiful green trees. When we finally did get situated and I was living with my mom in Houston and then seventh grade started. Then he happened. I hate to admit that a boy was the final peg in my destruction but he was and it absolutely ruined me. And because of these factors and probably more that I have left out I became this scared, low self-esteem person.
This trip opened my eyes to that, and even before the trip I was trying to work on how I saw myself. And after a long talk with my mom I realized some things about myself and who I am- and I hope that I can find that part of the little girl I used to be. I want to be confident in myself, and I want to have a positive image of myself.
Despite crappy circumstances, I think this trip did me some good. I also think it was good for my aunt and my mother. I got to spend some time with my mom which I don't get to do often, I got to bond with my mom and my aunt and see my grandma and great grandmother again.
So... With all of this said, I am beautiful and I can do anything. :)

I hope everyone is having a blessed day and find something about yourself that you love.

Just Be Thankful

I just want to take a moment to say that I love my entire family and all of my friends. I am so thankful to have them in my lives. I am thankful to be alive and breathing.
Awhile ago my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer and they gave him a year to live. Up until about five years ago I lived in Washington and he and my grandmother were the only family I knew for awhile. My moms family lived too far away for me to really know and I didn't know my dad at the time, so they were my only family. My brother and I would go and spend weekends, holidays, and summers with them. So the news hit me pretty hard. Today the doctors announced that the cancer has moved to his brain and he probably won't make it through the night. So I am thankful to be alive, something most people take for granted, I am alos thankful for all my friends and family who are there to support me.
I love my grandfather dearly and I hope that he will hold on. I love him dearly.
Everyone be thankful for all that you have, and be thankful for every breath that you take. You never know when you will take your last.

I hate dealing with customers... But at the same time I hate when its slow. The time just passes so much more slowly.

Romeo and Juliet are overrated...

So I was sitting in Spanish class one day talking with a friend, and I felt like writing a song. We also happened to be studying "Hamlet" at the time and so I felt like making a reference to Shakespeare in general. So I turned to my friend and told him to write a song with me, and somehow we came up with this amazing song that I love! It's a guy girl duet and the first one I've managed to get come out right, maybe because I wrote it with a guy. Sadly, you can not hear the tune. Anyway for your reading enjoyment, our song.
Side not: Bold will be guy, italicized will be girl, and regular will be sung together. 

Untitled:

I don't want a Romeo
I don't want a Juliet
I don't want to be another tragedy
I just want to be myself with you
I just want to hold you tight- just right

Give me the one who loves me
Uncondition-ally
Who will fight and make up (make up)
I don't want the fairytale- unreal
Give me
The down to earth
Ordinary
You

I don't want a make believe
or a dream come true
All I need is love and the truth
I don't care about the pain
I just want it to be real- so real

Give me the one who holds me
Endearing-ally
Who will be what I need (I need)
I don't want the insincere- fantasy
Give me the down to earth
Ordinary
You

I just wanna spend my time with you
Laying on a couch
Staying up late
Talking on the phone
Sharing kisses in the rain

So be mine forever                                          [This might be just the guy or just the girl not sure yet]

Give me

The down to earth

Ordinary

You

Well thats it, it still needs a little work, but that is the almost finished song. Title suggestions welcome.

What really matters

The Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills (TAKS), yeah right. I am so impressed by the low standards the state of Texas holds for the future (that would be us kids) not. These tests are designed to tell our school whether or not we should pass onto the next level. The exit level TAKS is designed to tell colleges whether or not we are "college ready" and yet they make it so easy and it proves nothing. You would think standarized testing would hold higher standards, not to mention it does nothing to prove my knoweldge and or skill. Lets address knowledge first, shall we. There are plenty of things that I am knowledgeable about that the TAKS test does not test me about. For example I can fix a jammed printer (which I just learned today) among other things. As far as skill, I can write an amazing story, or say Hamlets "to be or not to be" speech in the play "Ophelia" and give people in the audience chills, even make some people cry. However none of these things are tested on the mandatory state testing, none of the things I can do, things that might actually help me in the future. I will admit the things I mentioned aren't that amazing, but they are just a few things. I can also give great advice, solve someone else's dilemma (not so great at fixing my own) and help people fix their arguments with each other. Those are things that actually matter in the world and college, yet if we don't score high enough on the TAKS we aren't college ready. The sad part is the TAKS test is really so easy most students are beyond what it tests. Yes the TAKS is super helpful.

Chicken!

You know what cracks me up? Chicken peckers. In case you are unsure of what I mean, think about old people who aren't quite sure how to use a computer, now think about them typing. They type with two fingers, one from each hand. This method of typing is also called "Hunt and Peck" as they must first hunt for the letters then peck with a finger then repeat. Although if you are watching someone hunt and peck and you are trying to help them with something or waiting on them to type you must just be better of moving them out of the way and taking control of the keyboard yourself. However, if you happen to be sitting in a library computer room and the stranger across from you to the left is typing like that it might be entertaining to giggle in your head and then write about it on your blog. You may now guess where the inspiration for this particular blog update came from.

Lets Try This Again...

I decided it might be a good idea to write while not drugged on my "candy". I guess it doesn't help that I am naturally a strange person said "candy" just makes me a bit stranger and everything else a bit funnier. For instance the same evening I wrote my last blog I was standing (I use the term loosely for it was quite difficult for me to remain upright) with my step mom and decided to reach up and touch her face. I thought it was hilarious and almost immediately began laughing my butt off which then led to me attacking the floor. It was so much of an effort to laugh and stay upright that I ended up laughing on the floor on my hands and knees. Make what jokes you will, I have an excuse.

My apologies for what was said while on pain medication, I'm pretty sure it made no sense and that I did at some point have a valid thought that turned into ramblings that no one cares about. What a waste of your time, but really what better things have you to do? Homework? 'Cause really that is more of a waste of your time than my blog. Maybe you do have something important to do, there are people out there who do, but then I have to ask what are you doing sitting on your butt reading this when you have important things to do? Go, get to work! Or not, I really don't care.

Hospital Time

So I've been in the hospital since Tuesday, they let me go home yesterday at around five. It was kinda funny, I threw up all day Monday and couldn't keep anything down. Then they sent me home yesterday, I went and had some soup and then I threw up in the bathroom at Olive Garden. I guess I should have eaten something while in the hospital but they were the ones telling me I couldn't have anything by mouth. Thankfully today I have been able to keep my food down, and I lost 3 pounds by not eating since Monday. I'm still in a lot of pain but the doctor said I should be fine by Monday, hoping so. I'm still in a lot of pain so I took some hydrocodone (aka vicadin). It feels much better than the doctor pushing morphine through my IV because although that stuff was entertaining for my parents it kinda burned at first. I feel really sleepy now, it feels really awesome to be home though. Buh-bye!

The bane of my existence.

Have I mentioned that I hate my job? If not let me inform you, I hate my job, with a passion I might add. Let me share with you the many reasons for my hatred.

1) I have to deal with the same loud obnoxious teenagers every single day. Yes, I am the same age as some of them, a little older than some of the others, but I do not act that way. Ever. I have some sense, and sure I act a little strange when I'm with my friends but I don't act like my parents never taught me any manners. I know how to behave in public, and these kids embarrass their parents with their behavior.

2) These same annoying teenagers can not clean up after themselves, and usually I am the one who is forced to clean their mess. Yes, I do work there, but that does not mean you leave your trash and food laying on the table for someone else to pick up. Do you act that way at home? I'm quite sure you do. On that note, they also share one drink and the food. That wouldn't be a problem except it's six kids drinking from the same cup and eating the same hot 'n spicy. So now their trash and food is on the table along with a disgusting cup with the contents dripping onto the floor. Thanks so much.

3) Not only do I have to deal with kids with no sense, I have to deal with idiots without common sense. Lesson learned here; stay in school. First people will come in and try to order a double whopper, haha funny, right? It would be if they weren't serious. Or they will try to order something which we have in run out of, then not even two minutes later they ask for it again later in their order. What part of "I'm sorry sir, we ran out" do you not comprehend? When I work in the drive-thru I get people who will ask for just a minute to decide, thats fine, but then when they start to order and lets say they want a combo. I ask what they want to drink and they take another five minutes to answer. You just spent fifteen minutes deciding what you want to eat and you still don't know. Now thanks to you, my line has grown to six cars which I could've dealt with in the time it took you to "think" about what you wanted. Please, if you are going to take forever in the drive- thru go inside where you can take your time and not hold up the rest of the line.

4) On top of idiots, I have to deal with people who give me attitude. Yes, I understand that I work at a fast food restaraunt, however I am sixteen and this is my first job. I do not need you to talk to me like I'm slow just because you aren't stuck working at the low end of the job spectrum. And then because I am doing my job you are going to tell me that it is stupid or doesn't make sense. I'm sorry, do you work here? No, I am doing what I told by manager and the owner, if I am told to charge 11 cents for ranch I'm going to and you can just get over yourself and pay for it and leave. If you hadn't been so nasty about it I might have given it to you. I do not need your attitude, my job sucks enough as it is. You are the one who decided to come to a fast food restaraunt, maybe you should have cooked at home or gone somewhere else. Thanks bye.

5) Perverts.
I don't feel there should be more to say to that but let me share a story with you in case you're thinking oh thats not a big deal. This guy comes through the drive- thru, orders an ice-cream cone. I hand it to him and he asks me to lick it for him. Ignoring him, I give him his ice-cream and he starts to lick making faces and everything. It was disturbing, I honestly wanted to cry. It is bad enough that 30 year old people can't tell how old I am and ask me for my number, I now have this guy making sex faces at me. Thank you so much sir for scarring my brain.

6) Some of my managers are just plain awful. I have one manager who keeps asking me if I'm pregnant, and I'll be honest I am sensitive about my weight and for him to constantly bring it up is a constant hit to my already low self- esteem. Then I have another manager who expects me to do everything. "Clean this, refill this, bag orders, take orders." He yells at me to do all of this, at the same time, while he stands there and does nothing. If he would stop being so lazy and help out maybe we could finish faster. And while I am good at my job, I can not do everything at once. I can not take orders, bag food for my front counter partners, bag food for the drive-thru, sweep and mop the front, and help all the customers who need ice because the machine is broken.

7) Items are constantly broken. Frappe machine, ice machine, the oven, orange juice dispenser, ice-cream machine. Everything is so old and outdated that it can't stay working.

Again, I hate my job.

Where do they go?

So, I had this amazing idea for a post, but I seem to have lost it. Possibly due to the fact that I am slightly drugged from my medicine. I have to wonder, where do my ideas and thoughts go? Sometimes I'll be in the shower and I have an awesome idea for a song or poem or something and by the time I am able to write it down it is lost forever. This happens alot with other things at other times. I imagine my ideas float around into some black hole somewhere and then pop into somebody else's head. Or possibly there is a imp sitting on top of my head sucking up all of my good ideas. I hope if it is an imp, I hope he's reading because I really want some of those ideas back.
I forgot the reason for this post, seriously can not wait until I have to stop taking my medicine. Buh-bye for now, I'm off to find some edible sustances.

To be or not to be...

I have to wonder about the characters in Shakespeare's plays, at least the tragedies. Romeo and Juliet, and Hamlet... Did they have so little communication then that it just seemed easier to kill everyone? I have to admit cell phones do make lives difficult and distracting in this time, but it has also made our lives so much more easier. Gonna fake your death to be with your secret husband, send him a text. Gonna pretend to go crazy and deny your love for you girlfriend, send your apology or love message in a text. Its less likely to fall into the wrong hands.
Romeo and Juliet, all they had to do was talk to their parents and they probably could have worked it out before Mercutio and Tybalt were dead. If that didn't work then they could have eloped in a more traditional fasion. Friar Laurence was an idiot as well (yes I know its a play), he could have talked to the parents and told them that Romeo and Juliet are married, but I guess the thought never occured to him. There were a lot of things everyone could have done differently.
And Hamlet, he had plenty of opportunities to kill Claudius but he never does. And sure he wanted to wait for proof, but knowing who Claudius is should have made it obvious and even after he foud the truth he waited to kill him. And he could have had a conversation with Ophelia about their conversation, and Laertes about his father.
Communication is key.

"Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun do move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I do love." - Hamlet

It's sad really...

[Disclaimer: I don't believe this about all teachers, so no offense to those of you who are... well the opposite of this. Kudos to you for having a life]

It's sad really, how invested teachers are in our lives. Do they honestly have nothing interesting going on in their lives? Probably not seeing as they have no lives. Sure, they may think they care about us, and I do believe some do, but there are times when I just wish they would let us make our own mistakes. Let us learn for ourselves instead of being so nitpicky that we have to watch every step. Don't get me wrong, we have a lot of freedom at my school to do and say the things we want (to an extent), and it is amazing, however I think sometimes teachers put a little too much thought into our own lives and less thought into their own. Power hungry? Possibly. I don't know what it is really, but it can be irritating. Maybe I'm just venting and this makes no sense what so ever, and I'm fine with that. Half of what I say is beyond the comprehension of others but thats usually because my thoughts go faster than my mouth (if thats possible) actually my thoughts go a lot faster than my brain can sometimes process. Whatever, the point is sometimes I would like for the adults in my life, prefferably the teachers, to take a step back and let me make a fool of myself.

Music & Movies

(Inspired by a friends blog)

Music all sounds the same. It has the same subject matter, the same thoughts, and some songs even have the same tune or at least similiar tunes. Is nothing original anymore? Probably not, all the original ideas came from Athens, Greek before Jesus was born and the world revolved around mythology and the gods.
It's the same problem with movies, they all have the same plot line. They have become so cliche that just from the previews you can tell how it will end. More often than not you will be right. How can we continue to keep ourselves entertained if the music we hear, the movies we watch, and even the books we read are all basically the same just with different people and details. Maybe that is why our generation is forced to turn to violent videogames and actual violence, and underage drinking, or drugs and sex. Blame the media, my English teacher does.

Poetry... or not

About a week ago I was in a rather goofy mood and was thinking back to a few days before when I had mentioned that I was thinking of writing a poem about my job. I'm sixteen and I work at McDonald's. Let me tell you, I hate it. So anyway, I wrote a poem about how I hate my job and the mindless imbeciles that I am forced to deal with. Most of it is focused from when I'm in the drive-thru window.

The second you arrive
I close my eyes and
take a breath
put on a smile
and give it my best.

Then you leave
and I'm relieved,
until you come again.

It's a nightmare,
the second I'm free
here you come again
and I hide the groan.

I never know what
mood you're in
it changes everytime.
Sometimes you make me want to cry,
rarely my smile is genuine.

But everyday,
five days a week,
I see your many faces
and say "Can I take your order?"
It's a nightmare,

Working here,
helping you
"Do you want fries with that?
How about a drink for a dollar?"
This place is a
nightmare.

Thank you,
have a great day,
Come again.
Please, don't.

And that is my poem "Drive- thru Window"

School, work, sleep...

My days consist of school and work then I get home do school work and then I sleep. But really there has to be more to life then this, or I could be wrong. Maybe thats all life is, you're born, you go to school, you work, and then you die, well thats a little too depressing to see life that way.
We had to write an essay about growing up but growing up is a hard thing to define. I know people in their thirties who are still trying to grow up. I have no idea what growing up is even about. And now I don't really care, I just want to live my life. When I die, few people will remember me and eventually those people will be gone too. So what is the point? Maybe thats why we're here... to discover why we were put here.