So last week I was in Washington for my grandfathers funeral. It was odd to return to the place I had grown up but hadn't been for about five years. It of course was still beautiful but I had no desire to see any of my past "friends" mostly because I had never really been close to any of them, and I now know nothing about them except from the occasional facebook blurb. But anyway, while we were there we did go see my moms ex-boyfriend of 7 years to get some of her old stuff. Most of it was just pictures, and I just about cried looking at myself when I was younger. First of all I was freaking adorable. Secondly, I realized how much I had changed and I was kind of ashamed of some of it. I used to be such a diva (but in a good way) in the sense that I would pose if someone pointed a camera in my direction. I was confident and would look anyone in the eye, and in some ways I have lost that person but in some aspects she's still there.
I am still who I am, and there is no way I will pretend to be something I am not. That's just who I am, and I am not ashamed who I am. I participate in debate, theater, talent shows, I still have my pride and individuality, I will tell anyone when and why they are wrongand I am a very social person. In these aspects I am still that little girl. But I shy away from the camera, I refuse to look anyone in the eyes and won't always hold my head high, somewhere along the way I've lost that confidence that I used to have.
There were a lot of factors that contributed to this. Part of it is that I was forced to move in the middle of my first year of middle school, when I was finally making friends. I was sent halfway across the country with just my brother, my mom remained behind for awhile to take care of some things. I was at an awkward age thrust into a difficult situation without the one person who was supposed to be there to guide me. This part also sounds a little selfish but I was used to being the baby and living with my aunt and two younger cousins, I wasn't anymore. I missed my mom, I missed my friends, I missed my home, I missed the cold air of Washington and the beautiful green trees. When we finally did get situated and I was living with my mom in Houston and then seventh grade started. Then he happened. I hate to admit that a boy was the final peg in my destruction but he was and it absolutely ruined me. And because of these factors and probably more that I have left out I became this scared, low self-esteem person.
This trip opened my eyes to that, and even before the trip I was trying to work on how I saw myself. And after a long talk with my mom I realized some things about myself and who I am- and I hope that I can find that part of the little girl I used to be. I want to be confident in myself, and I want to have a positive image of myself.
Despite crappy circumstances, I think this trip did me some good. I also think it was good for my aunt and my mother. I got to spend some time with my mom which I don't get to do often, I got to bond with my mom and my aunt and see my grandma and great grandmother again.
So... With all of this said, I am beautiful and I can do anything. :)
I hope everyone is having a blessed day and find something about yourself that you love.
I am still who I am, and there is no way I will pretend to be something I am not. That's just who I am, and I am not ashamed who I am. I participate in debate, theater, talent shows, I still have my pride and individuality, I will tell anyone when and why they are wrongand I am a very social person. In these aspects I am still that little girl. But I shy away from the camera, I refuse to look anyone in the eyes and won't always hold my head high, somewhere along the way I've lost that confidence that I used to have.
There were a lot of factors that contributed to this. Part of it is that I was forced to move in the middle of my first year of middle school, when I was finally making friends. I was sent halfway across the country with just my brother, my mom remained behind for awhile to take care of some things. I was at an awkward age thrust into a difficult situation without the one person who was supposed to be there to guide me. This part also sounds a little selfish but I was used to being the baby and living with my aunt and two younger cousins, I wasn't anymore. I missed my mom, I missed my friends, I missed my home, I missed the cold air of Washington and the beautiful green trees. When we finally did get situated and I was living with my mom in Houston and then seventh grade started. Then he happened. I hate to admit that a boy was the final peg in my destruction but he was and it absolutely ruined me. And because of these factors and probably more that I have left out I became this scared, low self-esteem person.
This trip opened my eyes to that, and even before the trip I was trying to work on how I saw myself. And after a long talk with my mom I realized some things about myself and who I am- and I hope that I can find that part of the little girl I used to be. I want to be confident in myself, and I want to have a positive image of myself.
Despite crappy circumstances, I think this trip did me some good. I also think it was good for my aunt and my mother. I got to spend some time with my mom which I don't get to do often, I got to bond with my mom and my aunt and see my grandma and great grandmother again.
So... With all of this said, I am beautiful and I can do anything. :)
I hope everyone is having a blessed day and find something about yourself that you love.
